The Empty Bed - or - The Spring Break Saga Continues

Tuesday morning and still no Ryan. 

This is Ryan.

Ryan has been living with us since October. he's Russ's son. he was only 13 when i first met him and he scared the beejeezus out of me. i desperately wanted him to like me but (from what i knew) Russ had only just come out to him (because of our relationship). your dad being gay is a lot for a kid to digest without the strange guy he's now living with. 

miraculously, it worked out. Ryan was a really cool kid. he seemed to just roll with it. somehow we just met each other in the middle -- two people who both loved his Dad and figuring it all out a day at a time. cool, huh?

(in the right romantic comedy this would be where the movie ended and you'd be free to go off imagining the three of them living happily ever after as some post-nuclear American family. in my mind that's exactly what happened... but Real Life is a little messier.)

due to a ... Series of Unfortunate Events, Russ and i ended up homeless and drifting. we left Ryan with Russ's mom - back in Warrior where we'd taken him from. he was back in the same school and the same church with all his old friends. he was with his Granny and Russ's brother was close by to fill in if need be. we thought we were sparing him the hassle as we bounced around til we found our place here in Pensacola. 

looking back i wish we'd done it differently. those years were tough and filled with drama as it was. i don't know how the three of us would have made it. maybe we wouldn't have. but you can't shake everything up and then set it back down and expect it to be the same.

Ryan was now back in Hayden without his dad -- and it got around that it was because his dad had "turned gay" and ran off. Russ was now living without his son and feeling like a failure and a deadbeat. i was now carrying the guilt of tearing Russ away from his home and his family. ain't Love grand?

almost ten years later, Ryan is out of control and Russ's mom is exhausted. we had just had my sister and then my niece and her two year old living with us while they got on their feet. yet, we both welcomed the opportunity to have him back in the picture.

almost six months later, things have not gone well. after many emotionally bloody skirmishes we were all living bruised and battle-shocked when Spring Break rolled around. Ryan, with no job to tie him down but no money either, conned Russ out of $40 and caught a ride to Panama City Beach with friends. the "elephant in the room" was: was he coming back here? if so, when? and what were we going to do then?? 

he was supposed to be back Sunday. instead he started calling Russ and his Granny asking for money for food and then for gas to come home. needless to say, there have been incessant phone calls -- many ending with shouting and hang-ups. last i heard, Ryan was somewhere outside of Montgomery (supposedly) and Russ had that angry locked jaw that says i'm sitting on a time bomb and the fuse is burning.

Now, it's Tuesday morning and still no Ryan.