Why Not Just Tie My Hands Behind My Back & Punch Me Silly

i have found that relationships are all about discovering one another. as you both grow and change there is more to learn and more to share. at some point, you ask "are you okay baby?" merely as an expression of concern; because you already know the answer -- or else you'd have never even asked the damn question.

in the early stages of a relationship, this "new"ness is exciting. you're eager to find out all about his childhood and his likes and his passions. his preference for spending evenings cuddled up watching tv will seem sweet and romantic. his aversion to trying exotic foods will be a sign of old-fashioned values and have a home-spun appeal.

but, it is the nature of young relationships to be tempest-tossed by uncertainty. ahhhh, the drama! the phone rings and he says, "let the machine get it" and you wonder, "why? we did get a hang up call the other day. is that his bitch of an ex calling???" or he brushes past you without speaking and you think, "what! what did i do? i mean, i know i should've stopped for gas but how would i know he'd run out going to work?" you're plagued by uncertainty -- not sure what's going on or what to do about it.

but, wait. at some point you get to really know each other. you no longer wonder, "what the hell did he mean by that?" instead, you think, "oh kiss my ass. yes, the checking account is in the negative and i would have told you that if you'd asked." or, he opens the refrigerator and mutters, "are you kidding me?" and you really want to say, "oh, i'm sorry. did the kitchen elves forget to go to the store?" at this point, the hell is knowing exactly what's going on and not what to do about it.

but, the worst in my opinion, is when his family or his boss is giving him hell and there's nothing you can do. all of the sudden, he's yelling because there are no clean hand-towels and he just had to dry his hands on the shower curtain and he's saying that i'm "old enough" now to know how to use a washing machine. i want to say, "i'm 'old enough' now to know how to fit your ass in that washing machine" but i don't.

i know he really just wants to be able to make everything better. i know its killing him to hear the anguish in his mom's voice and to know that his son's headed nowhere fast. i know how hard he'd try --if there was just anything he could do. so, i just agree with him. i know how much i want to answer the phone and ask his family -- and my family -- why twenty, or even thirty, years of putting up with this shit isn't enough. are we really going to be dealing with this right up until the grave? but, i love 'em and he loves them. still, sometimes it would just be easier if they would just drive down, get in their best licks, and then go away.

later that night, as we're going to sleep, he puts his arms around me and pulls me close. i snuggle as close as possible with two little dogs tangled between our feet. we lay there in the stillness and just enjoy being close to one another. he doesn't have to say "I'm sorry" or "I love you." see? because, at some point, you just know.