'k. PERSONAL RANT TIME. people keep saying "you're so lucky!" and it's pissing me off.
everyone thinks that: i've got this great guy who just adores me. that Russ does everything for me. that my parents pay my bills. and that i just sit around the house in my pajamas working on the computer. all of which is true ... but only to the extent that the National Enquirer would publish it.
my point -- and i do have one -- is that i am not "lucky". i didn't make a wish in a fountain and have it all fall from the sky. i "kissed a lot of frogs" before i found Russ. i work hard everyday to make him happy. and Selfless Wonder Thing that he is, he can be just as demanding, just as difficult, equally unreasonable, soooo overly-dramatic, and cruel as i can. we don't so much stroll though life hand in hand as hold on to each other in the midst of a twister -- swearing all the while that nothing can tear us apart.
you keep waiting for everything you want to drop out of the sky and -- if you're lucky! -- it'll all fall on you at one time and smush you flat as a flitter.
i got what i got because i worked hard (sometimes at least), was good to people (everybody and not just people i wanted something from), and because i'm grateful EVERYDAY for all the love and support i have received from my family and my incredible friends.
i won't pretend i deserve the love of my dog. Miz Coco is ... well, everything i'm not. she is patient. she loves with an open heart. she is loyal beyond measure and forgiving beyond anything i would deserve. she is proof to me everyday that there is a God because he smiles at me through her loving eyes. i have never done anything to be deserving of that kind of love and i will never forget that.
everyone thinks that: i've got this great guy who just adores me. that Russ does everything for me. that my parents pay my bills. and that i just sit around the house in my pajamas working on the computer. all of which is true ... but only to the extent that the National Enquirer would publish it.
the ugly truth (and no, i don't mean me before 10 AM)
- Russ IS a great guy, but he doesn't "adore" me. he loves me. truthfully, ask him and he'd probably say i was demanding, difficult, sassy, unreasonable, overly-dramatic, and can be surprisingly cruel. (and he's mellowed me A LOT!) but he loves me anyway -- even when i'm all those things.
- Russ does not do "everything" for me. sure -- yes, he cleans the house, keeps up the yard, all the shopping, cooks, fixes my cocktails, brings me dinner, and loads & unloads the dishwasher. (oh, wait. that IS everything isn't it?) but, trust me, Russ only does what he WANTS to do. if he doesn't want to do something, no amount of ass shaking, eyelash batting, or verbal abuse will move him. he is as insurmountable and unmovable as a mountain ... and just as damn infuriating when what i want is on the other side.
- my parents DO NOT pay our bills. my Grannie does. (ha! so there!) she pays for us a place to live and for the utilities and in return we treat her like a queen. all things considered she much prefers being here with us to being in THE nursing home and -- trust me -- we earn every cent. (but, just between us? we are making out like bandits!! every time she laughs ... well, it is worth so much more than anything we ever do for her.)
- and, yes, i do spend the whole day in front of the computer in my pajamas. fact is, nothing else fits! besides, a) i still lack any sort of verbal filter to prevent saying whatever i think, b) i'm way too cranky and imperious to put up with on a day-to-day basis, and c) i'm DAMN GOOD at what i do.
the only things which fall from the sky are meteors and satellites
my point -- and i do have one -- is that i am not "lucky". i didn't make a wish in a fountain and have it all fall from the sky. i "kissed a lot of frogs" before i found Russ. i work hard everyday to make him happy. and Selfless Wonder Thing that he is, he can be just as demanding, just as difficult, equally unreasonable, soooo overly-dramatic, and cruel as i can. we don't so much stroll though life hand in hand as hold on to each other in the midst of a twister -- swearing all the while that nothing can tear us apart.
you keep waiting for everything you want to drop out of the sky and -- if you're lucky! -- it'll all fall on you at one time and smush you flat as a flitter.
i got what i got because i worked hard (sometimes at least), was good to people (everybody and not just people i wanted something from), and because i'm grateful EVERYDAY for all the love and support i have received from my family and my incredible friends.
well, except for ...
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| My Precious Angel, Coco |
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I welcome your comments. I will try to read them and approve them quickly. ~ If you are going to be hateful, just be intelligent. I have no time or patience for raging idiots as long as bullets are cheap.