The "Bell Beefer" Experiment

so, apparently Taco Bell served something called the "Bell Beefer" back in the 80s and it was delicious and i totally missed out. (hell, not the first time.) to make that up to me (and to satisfy a craving almost 30 yrs in the making) Russ decided to recreate the "Bell Beefer" at home.

The Original (sadly, none of ours lasted long enough for a photo)

it's all very exciting! (tho' truthfully Russ could tell me he was making gravel & rice cuz it is always good.) we went to The Dix and bought the ingredients together; him from memory and myself from imagination. although somewhere in our discussions of the recipe i missed the part about Hot Rotel, Hot Sauce, and Ground Chipolte Peppers. (say it with me children, SPICCCCCCCCCY! -- but you gotta say it "spi - SSAAAAAAYY")

even so, it did turn out delicious. (lol - and there you have the high point of my day. wow, being gay sure is glamorous.) and because i want to share our fabulous with the world, here's the recipe:

• 1 lb of ground beef
• 1 cup of chopped onion
• 1 cup of chopped green peppers
• 1 can of Rotel (tomatoes & chilis)
• 1/2 block of Velveeta cheese, cubed
• shredded lettuce
• sliced tomatoes
• hamburger buns

brown the ground beef. add the onions and green peppers and saute. season as desired.* Add Rotel and Velveeta and simmer until cheese is melted. Serve loose meat style on hamburger buns topped with lettuce and tomatoes.

* i omitted the hot sauce, etc. because it really was extremely spicy. you could add sliced jalapenos or cumin or taco seasoning. oh, go play people.

note - there was no Velveeta or veggies in the meat mixture of the original i understand. those were my ideas. you could just add shredded cheese i guess. also i spread some Taco Bell sauce on my bun - mostly to keep the damn lettuce from falling out (which it did anyway.)

join us next time as we recreate my favorite Taco Bell discontinued item: the Chili Cheese Burrito!

So, Goodbye Yukon Gold ...

so, yeah. if you've been with me on The Daily Plate then you know that i have really sucked at limiting my daily caloric intake. not that i'm terribly surprised. let's face it. if i was any good at dieting i would do it more often. still, i did lose 2 of the 9 pounds i gained in the first week...

anyway, it's become painfully obvious that i cannot keep my calories below 1600 per day AND eat and drink both. wth??? that's like "Sophie's Choice"! it's like asking me to choose between Britney & Ke$ha. (shudders)

hell, it's like telling me i have to choose between weight loss and my marriage; because, honestly?, have you eaten Russ's cooking??? and he brings the plate -- piled high with delicious smelling food -- to me at the computer. i don't even have to walk to the kitchen! (and you know how i feel about walking, right?) not to mention, how many times can i be expected to say "No" to the question, "honey, would you like a cocktail?"

so, i am headed back to the Atkins Diet. really i'm good with that. it should be the official diet of all homosexuals. (think about it -- lots of greasy meat, all the cocktails you can drink, and endless plates of tiny cheese cubes you can eat with rainbow colored toothpicks.) i have done the diet many times and always with success. you just can't argue with success ... or history ... especially not a history of success.

and this is just breakfast!

yes. i will miss you potatoes and cheese toast. i will yearn for pasta and rice. i will steal a lustful glance at the cakes and doughnuts as i pass hurriedly through the Winn Dixie bakery. but! i have an arsenal of low-carb recipes on The Daily Plate to battle my cravings. Russ is an awesome personal chef and loves to grill, broil, pan-sear, bake, or slow cook any and all kinds of meat at my request. (take that as you will.)

Here I Grow Again

dear friends, i want to thank you in advance for all your loving support and i deeply apologize for my future behavior as i can only imagine it will be intolerable. why, you may ask? the time has come again ... to ... (i just can't bring myself to say it) ... diet.

now, i am not rescinding my earlier pronouncements such as, "fat is not an ugly word in my house." after all, fat is a fun word. it makes a funny sound. its short and easy to say. hell, its practically the word "fun" if you squint at it.

the simple truth is that i am now straining the upper limits of my wardrobe and the only thing worse than dieting is shopping for clothes in a bigger size. (in fact, i've mentioned this and never got a definitive answer but; if you are too big to fit in your clothes and too poor to buy cute new ones -- does that qualify you as "homebound"?)

i am prepared to share my journey with you all. i even invite you to bravely share your own struggles alongside me. i will be tracking all of my eating (honestly and shamelessly) on The Daily Plate. It's a great way to monitor your diet and exercise (if you are into that kind of thing) and it's FREE. plus, the more of us that boldly and publicly reveal our gluttonous lifestyles, the more we can encourage, scold, and deride one another. this will not only help us to succeed but allow us to indulge in schadenfreude. (yeah, there are probably a lot of other words i could've used there but, c'mon! how often do you get to trot out a word like that?) even now, i'm typing this with a chocolate smeared plate staring up at me with blatant contempt.

so, are you in -- or are you out??