Why So Surprised?

i haven't published anything in awhile and i apologize. i really just didn't feel like i had anything to say. however, i now realize that my original objective is as relevant as... ev-ah.

see, i wasn't going to comment on this whole "Chik-fil-hate" brouhaha. in the beginning i just didn't understand the uproar. the fact that the president of a fast-food franchise which keeps its stores closed on Sundays pours money into "Christian" PACs should be as shocking as the news that Clay Aiken is gay. (really America. really??) it should have been greeted with a loud, resounding "DUH". beyond that i was a little overwhelmed at the level of outrage. with everybody having something to say, i felt like i had nothing new to offer. (other than "i know right??" which i said often.)

however. the subject came up with Mother the other day. as i learned more about the activities in question i had become both disgusted and discouraged. she said to me, "i don't know all those people, but the ones i have know are just ignorant. that's what you're dealing with: ignorance." believe it or not, i had actually bought into the notion of an enlightened modern society, an Age of Ellen where stereotypes and prejudices had been cured by the syndication of Will & Grace.

no matter how i try (and i really have tried) i cannot understand the stance against gay marriage. how does the concept of two people, regardless of gender, entering into a lifetime of commitment and monogamy diminish ... well, anything? if a million gay couples married tomorrow, how does even one heterosexual marriage or religious institution or closely held personal belief suffer?

i gotta say -- photos of people lining up for hours to buy a chicken sandwich in a show of anti-gay support disheartened me tremendously. then Mother pointed out to me what i had worked so hard to deny, "all those people think gays are perverts, that you all lead sick, perverted lives. they don't know you." and i knew she was right.

that's why i started writing a blog in the first place -- to reveal how we, a gay couple, live. prejudice thrives on ignorance and (i like to think) that those people eating at Chik-fil-A in support of their anti-gay agenda might "know" someone gay but they don't really know someone gay. so they can all get to know me. really, i'd like to invite all of them to get to know me.

also, i'd like to say that i consider myself a Christian in the truest sense. i believe in the Lord God Almighty, my savior Jesus Christ, and that ... until the Second Coming of Christ ... there is no one on earth who knows the will of the Lord any better than you or i. 

No, No, They Can't Take That Away From Us

there is nothing i could add to this. except, this does happen -- this still happens -- everyday. no matter how close we get, as long as there are people suffering like Shane has had to suffer because of Tom's family, we have not come far enough.

Chapter 11

today is our anniversary. well, kind of anyway. we first met in January of 2001. Russ gave me my wedding band on or around this date in 2001. and, on this date in 2004 we had our Holy Union, a commitment ceremony officiated by Pastor Jo Cristo of Holy Cross MCC. so we celebrate our anniversary on this date; but count it as eleven years because that's how long we have been in a committed monogamous relationship. (simple huh?)

our Holy Union was truly beautiful and simple. we were married in "our" backyard under a huge oak tree just as the sun was setting. our friends/landlords were our witnesses. (at the time we were renting this huge guest cottage in this couple's backyard. it's pretty impossible - for me at least - to live in someone's yard and your lives not get entwined ... which is both blessing and curse.) Diane even got us a wedding present and provided a small reception.

<pictures to be scanned and inserted right about here>

i joke that we have been together for 70 years in "Gay Years". (get it? like dog years? cuz gay relationships have such a short lifespan like dogs? oh good. i thought i was going to have draw my sister a diagram...) it's a joke but it's very true. relationships are hard work, especially when you are emotionally/financially/sexually bound to another person for life. it is especially hard for gay relationships (and by that i'm including lesbians because i've never understood why we need to distinguish). 

"but why?" you ask. (even if you didn't i'm going to pretend you did.) because gay relationships are not formally acknowledged -- not by the state, not by the community, and rarely by family. even my family, who is wonderful and loving and very supportive, dismisses me as a drama queen whenever i bemoan our lack of recognition. 

most wives will have framed photos of their husband and family on their desk at work. most husbands will discuss their wives and refer to them as such without a second thought. no one questions a wife's right to inquire at her husband's job about wages, benefits, schedules, etc. how often do most people have to deal with a supervisor timidly ask if an employee will be bringing "anyone" with them to a company event or feel pressured to say no in order to avoid inevitable awkwardness?

but the worst is the lack of support from the community. people have actually suggested that i end my relationship, just because we were having problems, in a tone both dismissive and harassed. people assume that all gay couples have an "open relationship". women who chase after and/or sleep with married men are called "whores" and "homewreckers'. i've had guys  hit on Russ with me right there even when they were completely aware of our relationship. (and trust me i called them "whore" and a few other things.)

my point is that i am very proud of our relationship. we love each other very, very much.   as i said in the beginning, it's not easy -- but we've stuck together. i also want to say THANK YOU to our friends and family. your love and support have helped us to keep going. mostly i want to thank you Russ -- for loving me and taking care of me and sticking with me and fighting when it would be easier to give up and sticking around when it would be easier to go. you are simply The Best.

A Love Story

Hello and Welcome!

This is me.

I'm 43, struggling with my weight (well, not struggling really... i let it win), and trying to turn Work I Enjoy into a lucrative career. 

This is my baby.

His name is Russ. He's the greatest. We have been together for over 10 years now. It hasn't always been easy. Hell, i don't think it's ever been "easy". But we love each other and we try to hang in there -- no matter what life throws at us.

And, well, this is old.

This is a picture of us from about, oh... 5 years ago. It's probably my favorite. This is us "partying" on New Year's Eve. This is exactly the kind of wild, extremely fabulous, gay life we lead.

OK. So here's the deal. I was reading this great blog article and the author was discussing gay "rights" and the progress on gay marriage. He was saying (i'm just going to admit right here that i don't remember where i read this. don't hate. if you know, please give props and a link in the comments!) that the progress we've made is a result of increased visibility. By stepping out and showing people that we are ordinary people living ordinary lives who happen to be homosexual, we change perceptions. He encouraged everyone (again, kicking myself that i can't properly attribute here...) to share their stories. i thought that brilliant.

So, here's Ours. i will attempt (no promises!) to be diligent and share with any and all who might be interested our boring, mundane (but ever so dramatic) lives as we struggle with money and family and weight ... (sound at all familiar?). i will attempt to be entertaining but unflinchingly honest. 

i am not always pretty and i am not always right. i'm not ashamed to admit it. Everyone who reads this should always remember this is Our Story. i am not shooting a documentary or writing an article. This will be where i tell the story of us ... even as it is being written.

Love is... the journey. Enjoy the trip.